Jesus, Marriage, Equality & the Bible
It touches on the things it says it touches on, plus (inevitably) the Church of England and its bishops' current failure to serve LGBTQ+ people.
The text I was working from (and occasionally depart from) is below:
Jesus, Marriage, Equality & the Bible
Evening all.
Introduction: opening our Bibles a bit
What a time.
In the Church, in life, there are all sorts of people who seem to think they have a God-given right to make decisions about what’s OK for us in our our lives. Normally without really talking to us. Often talking over us.
If we risk making any of these conversations in any way Bible-focussed, if I ask for a Bible text about queer people, I’m very likely to get Romans 1 or something from Leviticus thrown at me.
But seriously, why not Matthew 11.28?
28 ‘Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.’
Why not? Living in our shoes right now - we’ll take that.
When I ask for verses about queer people, what I’m usually given are half a dozen verses that are about sexual abuses. I agree, we all agree, abuses are bad. Let’s not have abuses. But let’s not get stuck there like abuses are the only option we have. Lots of us have actually known abuse. And Jesus has much more for us - in the pages of the Bible, and in life.
He listens to us, to our conversations, to our hearts, to the moods that surround us, and it is to these that he speaks. Here and now, of course; but also in and through the pages of the Scriptures.
So tonight I’m going to take two texts where Jesus talks about marriage. I’m going to point out that in them he hears what is going on in people’s hearts and that his responses surprise and bring both challenge and joy.
Jesus is no fan of abuses. No fan of those abuses that grind people down and which have very much been in the liturgies of the Church, in the wheel house of what gets called ‘traditional marriage’. No fan of the things that have pushed our story away from being part of the MainStage of church life. So let’s have a look at these places, and see what these stories have to say for our story -
What burdens we might lay down, what rest we might find for our souls when we truly come to Jesus. Even now. Here. Tonight.
1. Marriage Equality Part One: Jesus and the Patriarchy
Matthew 22.23-30 I think many of you may be familiar with this.
23 The same day some Sadducees came to him, saying there is no resurrection; and they asked him a question, saying, 24 ‘Teacher, Moses said, “If a man dies childless, his brother shall marry the widow, and raise up children for his brother.” 25 Now there were seven brothers among us; the first married, and died childless, leaving the widow to his brother. 26 The second did the same, so also the third, down to the seventh. 27 Last of all, the woman herself died. 28 In the resurrection, then, whose wife of the seven will she be? For all of them had married her.’
29 Jesus answered them, ‘You are wrong, because you know neither the scriptures nor the power of God. 30 For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.
I think Jesus, the Son of the Father, may be outing himself as not being a fan of the patriarchy here. He has views. And in this strange little trap the Sadducees are trying to set, there is something about what is called ‘traditional marriage’ that Jesus is deeply questioning.
The Sadducees tell a story about some guys, tossing around a woman from pillar to post, passing her on from one man to the next, (as the Law of Moses allows) and then they ask Jesus:
At the Resurrection, who gets her?
Look at the question. It’s not a question about marriage. It’s presented as a question about marriage and the Resurrection, but actually it’s a question about male presumption. Which man wins. The woman has no agency. No choice. No power. She doesn’t matter.
And Jesus points out the inadequacy and the inhumanity of these men. In the story and the telling of the story. They have no idea. They just don’t notice what they’ve done.
They know neither the Scriptures nor the power of God. At the resurrection…
And at this point, normally I lose the will to live. Because normally verse 30 is made to mean, in the Resurrection there will be no marriage. I’ve sat in rooms of bishops and theologians discussing this and seriously - IT SAYS NO SUCH THING.
It says - stop treating people like they don’t matter. Stop it now. Because I tell you, at the resurrection, you will stop.
At the resurrection ‘they neither marry nor are given in marriage’ doesn’t say there’s no marriage. It says - what you’re doing now, ends.
They neither marry: gameo doesn’t mean ‘marry’ or ‘get married’ it’s not an equal verb that both partners can use. It means take to wife. This is what the man does. He takes a wife. It’s about the man.
Nor are given: ekgamizo. This is about the woman - but it’s about what happens to her, not what she chooses to do. She is given in marriage; a man still holds the power - not the husband, of course. The father. It can be translated to marry off a daughter. Or the senior male family member responsible, if there isn’t a father. He has power over the woman’s life. The woman has no agency.
In the Resurrection, says Jesus, a man will neither take a person to be his wife, nor give a person away to be someone else’s wife. A man will not have that power over another person. Nobody will that kind of power over anybody else. It’s not that marriage will end, it’s that this kind of marriage will end. We will be like angels in heaven. Glorious. Equal. All shining. Loved and in God’s protective presence.
The abuse of power where some are more human than others, ends.
What has this to do with us? Why is this story of man and woman, powerful and powerless, about us, about queer people?
Well.
Jesus is telling people off - religious leaders - for presuming that they have marriage sorted. For presuming that the way they’ve always done it is right. For presuming they have God’s blessing. Why is it about us? Religious people are happily making some people less human, less equal. To others, they are giving more power of control, more ability to abuse. This is a familiar story. And Jesus is livid.
What God gives as a blessing should not be used as a weapon. Jesus is intensely critical of how heterosexual ‘traditional’ marriage is being practised in the Bible. He does not like it.
I have read the document put out this week by the House of Bishops to explain where they are on prayers for us and marriage or not marriage, and the theological understanding that goes with these prayers. There is a section in it that talks about the changes that have happened in the Christian understanding of marriage, and it includes stuff on divorce and contraception, but there is a huge and glaring omission. Of course. It’s mostly men writing this stuff. And people without either practical on the ground experience of taking marriages or very much theological nous.
Let me tell you one of the biggest changes I have seen in Christian marriage over the thirty years I have been ordained:
The death of patriarchy.
When I was first ordained, Every bride was given away by her father. Giving away is a symbol of ownership by the father being transferred to ownership by the groom. That is in the liturgy of the Book of Common Prayer. It’s not in Common Worship.
I used to ask if people wanted it. They used to want it. Nobody wants it now. It’s gone. In a generation.
Also in the Book of Common Prayer: one ring. Yes of course, a ring is a symbol of endless love. But when there’s one, it’s also a symbol of being owned. Of belonging to someone.
I cannot now remember the last time I took a service where one person only - I mean the bride of course - had a ring.
And all this is without mentioning the word ‘obey’ that the woman says in the BCP service.
All of this has gone in a generation. Patriarchy has apparently died in the marriage service. It is unacceptable. Even in the marriage registers the man now no longer has to come first. The very way we record marriages has shifted so both partners are equal. Talk about - we don’t change the doctrine of marriage: the woman had legally to come second.
No longer.
We have fundamentally changed this. For the better. Because we can. Though it seems we maybe doing so without entirely realising what we are doing.
Let’s look at another passage.
2. Marriage Equality Part 2: People are People
Matthew 19.3-12
3 Some Pharisees came to Jesus, and to test him they asked, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any cause?’ 4 He answered, ‘Have you not read that the one who made them at the beginning “made them male and female”, 5 and said, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.’ 7 They said to him, ‘Why then did Moses command us to give a certificate of dismissal and to divorce her?’ 8 He said to them, ‘It was because you were so hard-hearted that Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but at the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another commits adultery.’
10 His disciples said to him, ‘If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.’ 11 But he said to them, ‘Not everyone can accept this teaching, but only those to whom it is given. 12 For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let anyone accept this who can.’
Now.
I’m talking about marriage, and this passage is often used in these days to push a particular doctrine of marriage. I’m going to question that particular doctrine of marriage.
But before I start to look at that, let’s be clear - this passage isn’t about marriage. The opening question isn’t about marriage. It isn’t even - and let’s just hear it again a question about divorce in any terms that we might understand.
Some Pharisees came to Jesus, and to test him they asked, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any cause?’
They ask a terrible question. Full of male power and presumption. We shouldn’t be tempted to pretty this up and make it more palatable. (Oh well, they probably meant ‘man’ as generic, they’re really talking about spouses generally…’ - no they’re not. They say ‘man’, they mean ‘man’.) This is really important - because Jesus doesn’t answer the question we think they should have asked: he answers their actual question, and his answer matters.
He answers what they actually say to him. Listen - it matters. Text matters. It’s important that Jesus hears what they say to him - and we must respect this. We have to hear what Jesus says to them. It’s crucial.
Jesus hears these religious men (pharisees this time rather than sadducees, but still religious men) ask him if it’s OK to throw women away ‘for any cause’. Not even anything specific. Just because they feel like it.
What is it with these guys?
What’s interesting is that in our contemporary debates on marriage and equal marriage what follows is taken by conservatives to be Jesus proclaiming a strong biblical defence of traditional heterosexual-only marriage. Of course, nothing of the sort is going on here. You have to hear the question he has been asked and understand he’s actually answering the question he’s been asked - not anything we might impose onto his words.
Look at the conversation that is happening. Look at what Jesus does.
So.
His first words are entirely in keeping with how we understood him to be speaking in Matthew 22. Loosely translated, he says: ‘For goodness’ sake…’
You ask me if it’s OK for a man to throw away a woman for any reason?
Have you not read that the one who made them at the beginning “made them male and female”?
You guys constantly talk and live like women don’t matter. Do you not know the Scriptures? Do you not know the purposes of God? Do you not understand anything?
In the text we have in front of us, that’s a reference to Genesis 1.27. And Jesus follows it with Genesis 2.24 - the ‘for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother’ stuff. I’m going to get there, but before I do, we have to look at something else. It’s really important.
You see, what Jesus isn’t doing is this: he isn’t cherry-picking odd verses from Genesis that really get his approval, and the other verses in Genesis we can ignore. He’s not pulling out the bits that matter, the highlights, the stuff that is for all ages, and the rest doesn’t matter so much. Don’t worry about it. I don’t know if some people do think that way, but I’m an evangelical and that means I don’t think that way. The whole text matters, not just the bits that some editor has highlighted in red.
And, actually, verses.
Jesus didn’t know chapter and verse in the way that we do. I don’t know if you notice - he never says ‘in Genesis 1.27’ and there’s a reason for that. I know lots of you get this, but some of you may not. The reason is, it wasn’t written like that. The chapter & verse numbers are a later addition. Chapter numbers are early thirteenth century, and verse numbers sixteenth. Jesus didn’t learn the text from a book with easy to find numbers in it - he had scrolls.
From the scroll of Genesis, Jesus quotes two verses - verses from what we think of as chapter one and from chapter two - and my old theological college tutor would always say, when Jesus quotes the Old Testament, he means us not just to think of the immediate words he says, but also to have in mind the passage from the Old Testament around those words. The wider scroll. Indeed, Jesus quoting two parts of a scroll really brings that home: it seems pretty clear he wants us to have the whole passage in our minds, with everything between these verses firmly included and in place.
So, for example, the whole ‘for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife’ - that’s Genesis 2.24. But I wonder - can anyone give me, off the top of your head, Genesis 2.22 or 2.23?
I ask because Genesis 2.24 is often presented by people who think of themselves as being traditionalists as being a for-all-time biblical text-based essential presentation of marriage that excludes queer people. We’re told Jesus insists on this understanding.
Well, I think Jesus insists on us taking the whole passage, not just a couple of proof texts. So: do you know what the verses before this essential for-all-time text are? Let’s look at them.
And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said,
‘This at last is bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
this one shall be called Woman,
for out of Man this one was taken.’
If 2.24 is offered as literal and essential for all people for all time, what are we to do with 2.22-23?
We are to do this:
We are to take the whole darn passage. We don’t cut out bits that are awkward. It’s easy to recoil from the rib stuff, to find it a bit of an embarrassment. It isn’t an embarrassment, it’s key. You see, in the beginning God created men and women in his image - equally. Jesus reminds these guys that women are not to be thrown away. Nobody is. Jesus, in bringing this entire passage into play, goes on to remind these guys that in the beginning, in the opening verses of Genesis nine things are described as ‘good’ till eventually we get to 2.18 - where one thing at last is not good.
‘It is not good that the man should be alone’.
And then God makes animals as companions for the man but none of these will do, none of them are good enough, all of them are actually less than equal. Till God eventually causes a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and takes a rib from the man, and then - finally - finally - makes the man an equal, someone who is the same, ‘flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone’. The point of the good partnership (God’s answer to the ‘not good’ aloneness) is not ‘difference’, is not ‘male and female’ even. A conservative reading of what’s going on here, a conservative definition of marriage is all about ‘heterosexual difference'. But that fails to read the text.
It is not difference, it is ‘sameness’ that is the key point. This is what matters in the Genesis passage. Equality. Equivalence. Sameness. Flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone. This is what Jesus throws back at the Pharisees, as to the Saducees in that other passage on marriage at the resurrection. And it’s what we all should throw back at people who want to make a whole theology out of just Genesis 2.24 to us. God provides partners for us who are made of the same stuff. Other equal human beings. That’s the biblical story Jesus uses. That’s the hope and the blessing he offers you and me.
Again, the House of Bishops stuff this week loses this. It again and again makes queer people rather second class. It’s a bit depressing because some of us worked really hard in the main LLF project stage to get chapter 10 of the big LLF book to actually state that all people are equally human.
That seems to have gone missing now.
Don’t let it go missing.
It’s fundamental to the Bible story , and Genesis 2.24 celebrates this - hear the words Jesus uses as he answers the guys who would throw some people away:
In the beginning he made them male and female - God made equal people. God made equal partners for us. So Genesis 2.24: It is for this reason that a man shall leave his father and mother, his elders, his superiors, the nest of his youth, and is joined to his equal partner, and forms a new family. Flesh of my flesh. Bone of my bone. One. The same flesh.
And sure, yes, obviously, for most people this is heterosexual, man and wife, but doctrinally, theologically, this is not the point. The marriage that is declared here - in Genesis, and by Jesus in Matthew - is for us too. Equal human beings gifted an equal human partner by God.
God’s Good Gift
This human equality is God’s good gift.
You want to put that in your marriage doctrine - please do. It’s where it belongs. It is a change from the historic liturgies of the church - a change for the better, and a change that is, amazingly, already taking place. We just have to acknowledge that change and push it one step further.
Because we don’t pick out or miss out the bits of Bible that suit us; or that exclude others; or that attack people we’ve fallen out with. We listen to Jesus and find his love is wide as the ocean. His grace reaches even me. His hope is for us.
Equal people. Equally loved. Equally blessed.
This is the gift we find in the Scriptures. If we dare look.
28 ‘Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.’
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